A wedding without the bride or groom sounds impossible but in Karnataka’s Dakshina Kannada region, it is a tradition to organize weddings for the stillborn.
On Thursday, a Twitter user who goes by the name AnnyArun (@anny_arun) shared details of this truly unique wedding tradition after he got a chance to attend one.
In a series of tweets that have since gone viral, he writes that in the Dakshina Kannada region, families symbolically arrange the weddings of those who died at birth.
I’m attending a marriage today. You might ask why it deserves a tweet. Well groom is dead actually. And bride is dead too. Like about 30 years ago.
And their marriage is today. For those who are not accustomed to traditions of Dakshina Kannada this might sound funny. But (contd)
— AnnyArun (@anny_arun) July 28, 2022
..its a serious tradition here. For those who died in child birth, they are usually married off to another child who is deceased during the child birth. All the customs happen just like any marriage. Two families will go to each other’s house for the engagement(contd)
— AnnyArun (@anny_arun) July 28, 2022
I reached a bit late and missed the procession. Marriage function already started. First groom brings the ‘Dhare Saree’ which should be worn by the bride. They also give enough time for the bride to get dressed! pic.twitter.com/KqHuKhmqnj
— AnnyArun (@anny_arun) July 28, 2022
Funny thing is after all the engagement nobody thought they should ask the name of bride and groom 😁 They were just asking now. 5 minutes before the muhurtam 😁 (guess still better than asking the name after one night stand eh)
Btw its Chandappa weds Shobha! pic.twitter.com/StkipGT7wX
— AnnyArun (@anny_arun) July 28, 2022
Kanyadana – Do notice these are the way marriages were done back in the day and even now. You probably won’t notice the customs when it happens in big halls. pic.twitter.com/LPWSLLG0Zl
— AnnyArun (@anny_arun) July 28, 2022
Everyone in the family come and bless the newlyweds. pic.twitter.com/ZoIYe2DAHI
— AnnyArun (@anny_arun) July 28, 2022
Newlyweds entering the grooms house as couple for the first time. pic.twitter.com/23lnj4cpfh
— AnnyArun (@anny_arun) July 28, 2022
Finally yummy food. Fish fry, Chicken Sukka, Kadle Balyar, Mutton gravy with idly 😍
And the couple ‘lives’ happily ever after! Probably in the afterlife! pic.twitter.com/rDUfW8foer
— AnnyArun (@anny_arun) July 28, 2022
These marriages follow more or less the same customs as other marriages, he mentions, adding that throughout the wedding ceremony, the bride and groom are represented by their wedding attire that is laid on a plate and carried by their family members during the rituals.
Explaining the match-making process, AnnyArun writes, “If you are wondering its easy to fix this marriage, hear me out. Recently groom family rejected a bride because bride was few year elder to the groom!”.
AnnyArun also notes that while kids and unmarried people are not allowed to attend these weddings, the ceremonies are no less joyful. “Though they are dead, dont think that atmosphere will be like the funeral!! Its not. Its as jovial as any other marriage. Everyone cracking jokes and keep the mood high. Its a celebration of marriage.”
He also reveals the names of the bride and groom who passed away about three decades ago – Chandappa and Shobha. Concluding the long thread, he then posts a picture of the elaborate wedding feast dishes consisting of local like chicken sukka and kadle balyar.
As the tweets became popular over the last two days, netizens expressed surprise at the unique custom.
I’m not an expert but I’m from DK and as of my knowledge
We mostly believe in Spirits, Bootha, Dhaiva etc. If child dies at early age, it wanders and never gets Moksha since one’s life incomplete without marriage.
Family starts to face problems from wandering soul
— deepak (@Mdeepak1998) July 29, 2022
It’s like, ur alive or dead, u can’t escape marriage fr ur parents. 😅
— pradeep(ପ୍ରଦୀପ) 🪔 (@pii_ke_pee) July 29, 2022
Though it is a nice tradition but isn’t it scary!!
— Ekta Varshney (@EktaVarshney3) July 29, 2022
There is a tradition of burning the body made of flour if the person who left the home has not returned for a long long time.
It’s a symbolic funeral and is done considering the person is dead by that time.
I have attended one and it’s not at all scary.
— Anand Rai (@RaiiAnand) July 29, 2022
I think the tradition is present in Korean/Chinese cultures too. I remember, there was a Kdrama, Master’s Sun (of So Ji Sub🤭 & Gong Hyo Jin), where a dead bride is chosen for a dead groom by a Shaman, who is assigned by their families to keep the souls in peace in afterlife .
— AyeKay (@AKay0113) July 29, 2022
Marriage of the dead – roughly translated from what they say in Tulu.
— AnnyArun (@anny_arun) July 29, 2022
In an attempt to explain the reason behind arranging a wedding for the stillborn, a Twitter user wrote, “I’m not an expert but I’m from DK and as of my knowledge. We mostly believe in Spirits, Bootha, Dhaiva etc. If child dies at early age, it wanders and never gets Moksha since one’s life incomplete without marriage. Family starts to face problems from wandering soul.”